Tonight I’ll start taking the progesterone and hope that it does its job and makes a nice little home for our future little one. I’m nervous about side effects, because I know they can mimic early pregnancy “symptoms”, but at this point, I’m will to do whatever it takes to prevent another loss.
The thing is, as I look at the calendar and count down the days until I can pee on yet another stick, I’m overcome by this feeling of terror. Thing is, as much as I want another baby, I am terrified to see those two pink lines. I know that I’ll spend every day wondering if everything is going ok, if I’m going to be ok, if the baby is going to be ok. I know that if I get that positive test, I’ll be torn between being ecstatic that Maddie is going to have a little brother or sister and being terrified that something is going to happen again and I won’t be pregnant anymore.
So now, I guess I just have to wait. And worry. And hope.