An answer.

Based on my blood workup, the 3 miscarriages and the borderline pre-eclampsia in my first pregnancy, hematologist Dr. P is recommending I start Lovonox injections immediately after I find out that I’m pregnant (if that happens.)

Dr. P is a big teddy bear of a man with a strong Polish accent. SO sweet. “I don’t want you to bear the burden of another miscarriage, and I believe this will help you.”

I didn’t cry. Not in the office, anyway, and not when they drew 10 more viles of blood from my arm. I cried in the car, though, just big fat tears. Scared tears. Angry tears. Why-the-fuck-is-this-happening-to-me tears.

I know in the grand scheme of things that giving myself an injection every day is not the end of the world. Not by a long shot. But damn it, this is NOT the answer I was hoping for. I’m scared. I’m scared of how bad it will hurt, I’m scared I will get big ugly bruises, I’m scared I won’t be able to do it.

I’m scared it won’t work.

Side note: They took my temperature. 99.0*. I’m a high 97, low 98 kind of girl normally. The nurse winked at me and said maybe I had “something cooking in there.”.

From here, I wait. Again. If I get a positive pregnancy test, I call them right away and they’ll get me in to show me how to do it, fill the prescription, etc. Then on top of the other appointments I’m sure I’ll have with my OB since they now consider me “high risk”, I’ll have to go in once a week to have my platelets monitored. From what he told me, I believe I will only have to do that for the first 3 weeks, just to make sure the Lovonox isn’t having any adverse affects on my body.

I’m glad to have a reason. I just wish this wasn’t it.

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10 thoughts on “An answer.

  1. I know how scary all of that information must sound. However, it sounds like your doctor is going to do whatever he can to prevent another miscarriage…and maybe these shots are just what you need for everything to go smoothly. Think about how worth it will be if it WORKS! (Not trying to sugarcoat anything though…I know I’d be scared like mad, too.)

    So I take it they didn’t give you a blood test for pregnancy? Or did they…? You would think with 10 viles they can spare some for a pregnancy test!

    I’ll be thinking of you… we are halfway through the 2ww!!!! We can do this!

    • Thank you. I know you’re right, I just have to get it through my head. And stop crying, that’s my first step.

      They didn’t, no. But he did tell me to try to find out as soon as I can if I am pregnant. That’s like giving a TTC-er a free pass to start peeing on sticks! Ha!

      I’ll be thinking of you too — hoping you’re hanging in there through this torturous wait!

      • Does this mean you are going to start testing tomorrow?!?! Oh boy! I’d be reaching for those sticks right now!

    • I don’t know! I have some tests, but I woke up this morning and just couldn’t do it. How crazy is that?! I’m too scared. Plus I really don’t think I am, so I just don’t want to see a BFN.

  2. Just saw your blog and scooted over here from BabyCenter. I wanted you to know that I am in the same boat as you. I am a ball of emotions and feel REALLY overwhelmed even though I consider myself to be a pretty laid back and educated gal. My husband is a physician and we cannot even discuss any of this b/c we are both just too nervous. I am thinking of you and will be checking up to see how everything is going. My worrying is keeping me up at all hours of the night and I have completely chewed off my fingernails. If I AM really pregnant, I better not be like this the whole time. -robyn

    • Hi Robyn! Thanks for the reply. It’s so nice to have the support of women like you.

      I know exactly how you feel. I’m just sick to my stomach over all of this.

      I’m thinking of you and will keep up with you over at BBC — stick, baby stick!

  3. boo + yay – i’m happy for you that you have a sense of direction and something to try … i think that is better than had he had no suggestions … yes, boo to the pain – i hate needles – and tense up anytime someone pricks me! but you’ll become an old pro soon enough : )

    good luck + happy poas! (sadly, my temp went down today – so i doubt i’ll test … was so excited 2 days ago – but boo now … gotta love ttc!)

    • I hope you’re right! The next step is getting pregnant, so I don’t know what I’m stressing about just yet.

      Damn! I was really pulling for you this month! Don’t give up yet though, you NEVER know!

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