Warning: The following post may sound bitchy to some. Just letting you know that before we get going. I acknowledge my bitchiness in this case.
As most of you probably know (well, some of you anyway. I think I have some new readers, yay!) my BFF is pregnant. She’s just about 11 weeks along, and she got pregnant after having sex with her husband one time during the week she thought she could possibly be ovulating. She got pregnant with her first child just a week into her relationship with her now-husband, during a night of drunken unprotected sex.
And I’m happy for her, I really truly am. But here’s the thing. It hasn’t been easy for me. This whole TTC thing has been a nightmare, and she knows that. She knows what I’ve been through, she knows what I’ll have to go through if I do get pregnant.
So when I told her about my crying jag the other day, the one I had when I came to the harsh realization that this was never going to be easy, I thought she’d be…sympathetic? Or at the very least, understanding. I didn’t expect her to make stupid comments, like many people do. I didn’t expect her to give me any advice. I just expected her to listen and say, “I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m here for you.”
Except she didn’t. I told her, “I’m just upset that it will never be easy. I”ll never be able to enjoy being pregnant.”
She replied, “Nothing good ever comes easy, my dear.”
And I just. I know I’m being overly sensitive, and I know she didn’t mean it in a harsh way or anything. But all I could think was, are you kidding me? You got knocked up without even TRYING! TWICE! Don’t tell me it doesn’t come easy. YOU HAVE NO CLUE.
Oh wow. That sounds so awful and bitchy. I’m sorry, I apologize. I’m just in this place right now. This awful, angry, bitter place. And I don’t know where it came from. I was doing fine, I thought. I was fine with waiting, fine with doing the shots. Fine, fine, fine.
Except apparently I’m not.