Husbands are funny.

Yesterday, when I told Tim that my number had gone up very nicely, he started asking questions. His first was, “How did it go up that high so fast?” I told him that I didn’t think 397 was all THAT high, but it was a GOOD thing that it was going up like that and it would likely start doubling just every 48 hours now. Then he wanted to know where 397 fit into the range of “average” HCG at 16DPO. I told him that it was really not even worth looking at, because everyone’s levels are so different, but he insisted. (I wondered where all this interest was coming from, but didn’t think to question it.) So we pulled up a bunch of charts. All of them say that the “average” HCG at 16dpo is 65. Well, obviously mine is way higher than that, but it doesn’t mean anything. It just means things are going well, if you ask me.

Well, Tim is now convinced that I am having twins. And I find it SO funny! I couldn’t stop laughing. With every chart that I pulled up, and every number that he looked at, he got more panicked. “I can’t believe you’re having twins! I am freaking out!” And of course, me laughing hysterically, while at the same time trying to convince him that I am NOT having twins, was not making him calm down at all. He really thinks we’re having twins! I told him he cannot put any stock in the numbers to determine whether or not we’d have twins, and that my levels will probably only double at my draw today, but he is not convinced. I have no idea where he’s getting these crazy thoughts from, but I find it really, really funny!

In other news, I am nauseous. Ohhhh man am I nauseous. I went to bed last night thinking, ok, this is not good. I’m going to puke. I never did, but I feel like I could have! Also, this constipation can go away ANY time now. What can I take for it? Anything?

So anyway, 3rd beta today. Hoping for a nice high number again. 🙂 Grow, little bean, grow!

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I have no patience.

Had my second blood draw today. I was hoping my favorite nurse would be the one doing the draw, but she was out today, so I got someone who was equally nice, but not up-to-date on my history. I didn’t even consider asking for the results today, but as soon as I left the office, I regretted it. So what did I do? I went and bought a 2-pack of tests, of course! What else did you think I would do?

I stopped home before going back to work so I could pee. (I think it’s worth mentioning that I had already peed a record FOUR TIMES this morning before taking the test. And the last pee was probably only about an hour before. I was a peeing machine today.) Anyway, I ripped it open, peed on it, and watching, with my heart beating a million miles an hour, as the pee slid across the window. And instantly, there were two lines. Not even a minute later, I had this beautiful sight in front of me.

This HAS to be a good sign, right?

Hoping for an awesome number tomorrow!

4w4d: I confess

I spent the majority of the weekend doing really well. I wasn’t overthinking anything, I wasn’t doing  an underwear-check every ten minutes. I was just enjoying my time with Tim and Maddie (and, of course, saying a silent “thank you” every time the toilet paper was clear.)

But yesterday, about halfway through the day, I started to panic. What if my hcg peaked on Saturday when I did the digital? What if it’s been slowly falling since then? Why don’t I have any “symptoms”? Shouldn’t I, if my hcg is going up?

Last night, I had horrible dreams. I dreamed that I went to the bathroom, wiped, and saw red. I told Tim, my mom, and everyone in the dream (and for some reason there were a lot of people there!) that it was ending the same way, that I was done, it was over, I gave up.  And then at some point after that, I came to the realization that dream-me had been dreaming as well, and that the red had never happened, and things were still clear.

I woke up feeling very nervous. I didn’t want to go to the bathroom. I just wanted to lay there until my beta and then have them tell me it was going to be ok.

But of course, I couldn’t do that. So I went to the bathroom. And it’s still all clear. Everything is still fine. At this point, I have no reason to believe things aren’t moving along as they should be.

So then why am I so scared?

Edited to Add:

Dreams: To dream that you are dreaming signifies your emotional state. You are excessively worried and fearful about a situation or circumstance that you are going through.

Hit the nail on the head, huh?

An experiment.

This morning, Tim was laughing at me because I have all my pee tests lined up, in order of DPO. The bottom one is the digital, from yesterday, which is still proudly displaying the word “pregnant”. He got a look on his face, and then he asked me how the digital worked. I told him that according to Pee On a Stick.com (that got me quite the look from him. HA!) the digital test picks up not only your LH, but HCG as well. Therefore, there will typically always be a second line on the test strip, not just the control line. He said, “Well where are the lines?” I told him, “Inside.”

Can you guess what’s coming?

We busted that baby open, just to see. Can you believe, in all my time of POAS, that’s I’ve never busted open a digital? Crazy, right?

So, JUST TO SEE, we opened it up. I KNOW that there will always be two lines. But I really, really like the looks of this. 🙂

It was JUST FOR FUN, people!  And it wasn’t even my idea!

4w3d: Feeling good.

You’re not going to believe this, but for the first time, I actually feel good.  I mean, I’m not stressing out, I’m not running to the bathroom every ten minutes to make sure I’m not bleeding, I’m not taking 12 HPTs a day. I’m feeling relaxed. I’m content with the fact that whatever happens, it’s out of my control.

I think part of it is that I’m doing everything right this cycle. I started the Lovenox before ovulation, I’m taking the progesterone, I’m doing all the vitamins and supplements and I’m not stressing.

2nd beta tomorrow. I won’t get the results until Tuesday (unless Stacy is the one who draws my blood, in which case she might get them for me tomorrow afternoon) and I’m ok with that. I’m confident (or at least hopeful) that the numbers have gone up and things are progressing the way they should.

If everything goes well this week, I’ll have an ultrasound next week. Hoping, wishing, praying.