I spent the majority of the weekend doing really well. I wasn’t overthinking anything, I wasn’t doing an underwear-check every ten minutes. I was just enjoying my time with Tim and Maddie (and, of course, saying a silent “thank you” every time the toilet paper was clear.)
But yesterday, about halfway through the day, I started to panic. What if my hcg peaked on Saturday when I did the digital? What if it’s been slowly falling since then? Why don’t I have any “symptoms”? Shouldn’t I, if my hcg is going up?
Last night, I had horrible dreams. I dreamed that I went to the bathroom, wiped, and saw red. I told Tim, my mom, and everyone in the dream (and for some reason there were a lot of people there!) that it was ending the same way, that I was done, it was over, I gave up. And then at some point after that, I came to the realization that dream-me had been dreaming as well, and that the red had never happened, and things were still clear.
I woke up feeling very nervous. I didn’t want to go to the bathroom. I just wanted to lay there until my beta and then have them tell me it was going to be ok.
But of course, I couldn’t do that. So I went to the bathroom. And it’s still all clear. Everything is still fine. At this point, I have no reason to believe things aren’t moving along as they should be.
So then why am I so scared?
Edited to Add:
Dreams: To dream that you are dreaming signifies your emotional state. You are excessively worried and fearful about a situation or circumstance that you are going through.
Hit the nail on the head, huh?