Detached.

Confession: I feel completely detached from this whole pregnancy experience.

I know, that sounds so completely awful, especially because I wanted this SO badly (and I still do, don’t get me wrong!) Some days, I wake up and don’t even really remember that I’m pregnant. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve gone to put on a pair of pre-preggo pants and said, “Oh. Wait, I’m pregnant.” 

Yesterday, at the ultrasound, I felt like it wasn’t even me lying at that table. I felt like I was floating above myself, watching someone else have an ultrasound, watching someone else’s baby kick and squirm on the screen.

What is wrong with me?

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3 thoughts on “Detached.

  1. I don’t think anything is wrong with you. I can understand why you feel troubled by your detachment, but I think this is a normal way for our minds to protect us from being hurt. You have had four previous miscarriages. On some level, your mind probably isn’t ready for you to get fully attached to this pregnancy, for fear that it will end badly.

    I’m willing to bet that, as things progress, you will feel less detached.

    • Thank you for the comment.

      You’re probably right. I want so badly to be excited about this, but I think on some level I’m just too afraid to let myself let go and enjoy it.

  2. You’re scared and I think that is normal. If I ever get pregnant again I’ll believe it when it pops out and crys. Maybe not even then….:)

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