Sunday morning, I woke up before Tim. He was sleeping in because it was Father’s Day, and he’d been out late the night before at a bonfire with some friends. His phone kept beeping, so I went into our room and grabbed it to stop it so it wouldn’t wake him up. On the screen it said the message was from “L”, which right away raised a red flag for me. Why would you use just someone’s initial? The message said, “good morning”, which, again, what? I don’t even text my best friend good morning, or my mom, or my dad, or even Tim.
I said, “Tim. Who’s L?”
You have never seen someone wake up from a dead sleep as fast as he did. He shot straight up in bed and grabbed the phone from my hand. “It’s no one. It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
Without getting too much into the details, it came out today that “L” is a girl who posted an ad on Craiglist, an ad which my husband responded to. They have been texting, picture-messaging, and talking non-stop. He was talking to her when I was laying in bed sleeping next to him. On Saturday, he almost went to see her. To sleep with her. But he didn’t. Instead, they talked and texted until 2:30 in the morning, the whole time he was at the bonfire.
Had I not found the message, he probably would have fucked her.
I kicked him out. I cannot bear to look at him.
He’s apologized a zillion times, said he’s stupid, he can’t live without me, he’s so sorry for being so selfish and throwing away the best thing ever had.
And I want to believe that he’s sincere. But I just…can’t. Not now. Not yet.
I asked why he did it. His honest answer? “Sex. I did it for sex, nothing more.”
Well gee, that sure makes me feel a whole lot better.
I am a mess. A complete fucking mess.