A new day

Thanks for putting up with my previous pity-party post and for all your sweet, supportive comments. Really don’t know what I would do without all of you! Tim got  a check in the mail from his old job – apparently they owed him some back pay that he didn’t even know about it – so apparently someone was looking out for us. Feeling better about things.

Some random baby-related things:

Over the weekend, we got the spare bedroom all cleared out and ready for Miles. We moved the full-size bed that was in there into Maddie’s room, and she is in big-girl-bed heaven. She had a twin bed, but the mattress was shoddy and she never wanted to stay in bed. Since we gave her a “new” bed, she climbs right in, lines up all her guys, and doesn’t make a peep. She’s even been sleeping in past 7 — that’s unheard of in our house! Tim brought the crib in from storage and set it up, so now I have to get the bedding washed and we can get moving on getting everything set up. I’d rather get it all down now than when I’m too big, cranky, and tired to even care. Ha!

Baby has been sitting on my siatic nerve since Sunday. Just when I think he’s moved, he kicks again and I get shooting pain from my lower back down my right buttcheck and into my thigh. Usually this happens when I’m walking. At work. And I probably jerk my body around like I”m having a seizure. Hopefully no one’s been watching. If anyone has any suggestions on how to get him to move, I’ll gladly try them!

My boss officially knows that I”m pregnant. Personally, I don’t know how he COULDN’T have known, but I made it obvious yesterday. He came up and asked me how my weekend was, and I told him it was really productive. “We got the spare room all ready for the baby, so that was nice.” He didn’t appear shocked, so I’m guessing he knew (or suspected) and I just confirmed it for him. He asked if we knew what we were having, and we made small talk about it for a bit before moving on with our day. Glad that’s out in the open!

22 weeks on Thursday. In around 4 short months, I’m going to have a baby boy. Crazy.

OH, and Maddie felt the baby kick today! Her little eyes lit up and she said, “Mommy! My brudder kicked me!” SO sweet.

This is life.

My day started with Maddie and I heading over to spend the day by my mom’s pool with my cousin, my aunt, and my goddaughter.  It ended with me grabbing my stuff and rushing out, bawling my eyes out.

I don’t talk about this on my my blog, Tim got laid off a couple months ago. He’d been working for four months, and there was no warning for the layoff. He was under the impression that things were going well with the company he was working for and he didn’t have anything to worry about. Before this layoff, he hadn’t been working for almost a year, save for two to three-week callsbacks once or twice. He hasn’t worked consistantly for over a year now, and it’s really, really stressful. We drained whatever savings we had when Maddie had all her surgeries last year, and right after that, he got laid off. We’ve really  been struggling since then. We fell behind on bills, credit card payments, and loan payments. Our credit scores have plummetted. We finally started to get back on the right track when Tim got laid off again, and now we’re back to the same position we were in when he was laid off before. I got pregnant when he was working and things were looking good, so we weren’t too concerned. But of course, bad luck struck again and he lost his job.

Right now, we are $600 in the red in our checking account. The bills keep coming, and the creditors keep calling, and I’m honestly about ready to just toss my cell phone out the window and say fuck it all.

My cousin has a high-ranking position at Target. Her husband is the manager of a construction and landscape firm. They make very good money and never have to worry about anything. They just bought a new SUV, and Olivia (my goddaughter) has everything she could ever want or need.

My aunt is very, very wealthy. She makes close to $400K a year alone, and my uncle brings in probably $200K. They have many investment properties, a beautiful home, and a savings account that could pay off every penny of debt I have. They own the house we live in. We pay rent to them every month, and in the past months, we’ve had to ask them to hold our rent check until the 15th each month because we just don’t have the money. (And when the 15th comes around, we still usually don’t have the money. ) This is very embarrassing for me. I can barely look my uncle in the eye when I see him.

I was not in a good mood today, and neither was Maddie. Neither one of us really wanted to go over to my mom’s, but she said it would be good to get out of the house, and it’s a beautiful day. After a few hours, she decided she was going to have the whole family over for a BBQ at 5:30. My uncle, my cousin’s husband, and my other cousin and his wife and baby. Then she realized she was out of propane, so she asked Tim if he would run and get her a tank. Except we don’t have any money. ANY money. So she tried to dig up some cash, but could only come up with $10. She asked if she could write me a check and we could just use our debit card to get the propane. I told her no, we don’t have any money in our account. So she proceeds to get completely bitchy with me and storms outside, announcing to my rich aunt and my successful cousin that we can’t have a BBQ because she doesn’t have any cash on her and, “Amanda and Tim are overdrawn in their account and can’t buy it.”

It’s bad enough that I ALREADY feel like a loser without my mom announcing to my LANDLORD and my cousin that we’re completely broke.  I’m under so much stress because of this money situtation that some days I don’t even eat because I just forget, I’m so caught up in what we’re going to do to get by.  So of course I immediately start crying. I hurried into the kitchen to grab my stuff and she comes in and asks me what my problem is. I said, “Do you really need to announce to everyone that we don’t have any money?” And she ROLLED HER EYES at me and said, “Oh jesus christ Amanda, stop embarrassing me.” Wait…ME stop embarrassing YOU?! Are you kidding me here? I told Tim go get Maddie and I just walked out.

This whole thing just really has my feelings hurt, because my mom and I rarely fight. We have a great relationship, and I just can’t believe she would act like this and embarass me like this. She knows how sensitive I am about it.

Ugh. Now I’m crying again. Hormones.

Thanks for reading, if you made it this far.

It’s a……..

BOY!

The ultrasound was amazing. He was moving around like crazy, and I could feel all the movement as I watched it on the screen. At first, I didn’t think we were going to get to find out if he was a he or a she, because we could clearly see that the legs were crossed at the ankles and he had his thighs squeezed together.  She wiggled him around a little bit and did some measuring, then said that during her sweep she made a guess, but didn’t want to tell us unless she could show us too. So she just kept wiggling him around, and finally, she froze the picture and said, “Ah ha. See that? That’s a boy.” I admit, I squealed. I was so excited! I truly have thought all along that it was a boy, but I didn’t want to feel too invested in that thought because I was wrong with Maddie.

He’s measuring perfectly, he has a beautiful heart, and I am so, so in love.

Little acrobat! He had his legs up above his head. See his little fingers by his butt? Ha! Love this shot of his profile.

Little hand by his face. Love the open mouth! He was trying to suck his thumb.

The big day!

Tomorrow is almost here! I’ll update as soon as I can tomorrow evening, hopefully with pictures and an announcement!

For now, here are my 20-week belly pics that I forgot to post last week.

I AM SO EXCITED FOR TOMORROW!

20 Weeks!

Well, here we are! 20 weeks! Halfway there! Some days I can still hardly believe that in as little as 4 months from today, I’ll be holding a beautiful new baby in my arms–MY baby. It’s an amazing thing, and I am so unbelievable grateful that we’ve come this far.

Yesterday morning, I was laying in bed, waking up. I was stretched out on my back when I started to feel some pressure in my lower abdomen. I looked down, and my belly jumped! I shook Tim awake and pointed to my belly, which he watched groggily. I put my hand there and felt the baby kicking and rolling, and at that moment, so much of the tension I’ve been holding onto throughout this pregnancy just kind of melted away. My baby is really in there. He’s really growing and kicking and moving and he’s really going to be here by the end of the year. Tim put his hand on my belly, and immediately, the kicking stopped. Ha! Maddie always did the same thing, so he wasn’t surprised.

6 more days until the big ultrasound, and then we’ll find out if my little “he” is really a he! Maddie has now been insisting that she’s having a “baby sisser!!!!” It’s so cute.

So that’s where I’m at. Feeling much more relaxed and connected to this baby. Finally.

Oh, can I just complain really quickly about the shots? Because I’m sick of them!!!! I know they’re necessary, I know they’ve gotten me this far, but they are starting to hurt more often than not and I don’t like it!

Almost halfway there!

Things are going well. Baby is moving around a lot, and the other night I actually felt a kick from outside. I’ll admit, it got me a little teary-eyed. I guess I just never expected to make it this far, and now that I have, it’s sort of surreal. I am getting SO excited for our ultrasound (12 more days!!!!) and can’t wait to find out what we’re having. My gut is saying it’s a boy, but I was so sure Maddie was a boy too, and she’s quite obviously not! I think everyone around me thinks I’m having a girl, so we’ll see what the ultrasound reveals.

What do you guys think? Any guesses, just for fun?

I finally got Tim pinned down on names. He’s been hedging, not wanting to commit, but he actually admitted that he likes the girl name I chose, so that’s a big step for him. If we have a girl, she will be Amelia Katherine.  If it’s a boy, he’ll be Miles Daniel.

In non-pregnancy news, the new job is going really well. The “social” aspect is much different than my other job. Everyone is very quiet and reserved, which is a change for me. But I have a lot to do, and everyone is really nice, so I think that I’ll like it. And lets face it. ANYTHING is better than working for my old boss.

I leave you with my 19-week belly. Almost halfway there!

Thoughts and prayers

Life just isn’t fair sometimes.

In this amazing little blogging community of ours, I have “met” some amazing people. I’ve come across stories of such encouragement, such hope, and I have been given more support than I ever though imaginable.

So when something bad happens to one of us, it truly breaks my heart.

If you have a minute, please head over to Rebecca’s blog and leave her a hug or a prayer or a simple “I’m so sorry.” I cannot imagine the kind of pain she’s going through right now.

And please send virtual love to my friend Kelly, who’s not a blogger but who’s important to me all the same. A couple weeks ago, she and her husband found out, at 20-some weeks pregnant, that their little girl had Trisomy 18. They were left to make an impossible decision, and they’d been struggling with it. Over the weekend, Kelly noticed that she didn’t feel the baby moving , so she went into the doctor today, only to find out that her little one’s heart had stopped beating. She’s being induced tonight.

Words can’t express how sorry I am for both of them (and for ANY woman/family that has to experience something like this.)