My day started with Maddie and I heading over to spend the day by my mom’s pool with my cousin, my aunt, and my goddaughter. It ended with me grabbing my stuff and rushing out, bawling my eyes out.
I don’t talk about this on my my blog, Tim got laid off a couple months ago. He’d been working for four months, and there was no warning for the layoff. He was under the impression that things were going well with the company he was working for and he didn’t have anything to worry about. Before this layoff, he hadn’t been working for almost a year, save for two to three-week callsbacks once or twice. He hasn’t worked consistantly for over a year now, and it’s really, really stressful. We drained whatever savings we had when Maddie had all her surgeries last year, and right after that, he got laid off. We’ve really been struggling since then. We fell behind on bills, credit card payments, and loan payments. Our credit scores have plummetted. We finally started to get back on the right track when Tim got laid off again, and now we’re back to the same position we were in when he was laid off before. I got pregnant when he was working and things were looking good, so we weren’t too concerned. But of course, bad luck struck again and he lost his job.
Right now, we are $600 in the red in our checking account. The bills keep coming, and the creditors keep calling, and I’m honestly about ready to just toss my cell phone out the window and say fuck it all.
My cousin has a high-ranking position at Target. Her husband is the manager of a construction and landscape firm. They make very good money and never have to worry about anything. They just bought a new SUV, and Olivia (my goddaughter) has everything she could ever want or need.
My aunt is very, very wealthy. She makes close to $400K a year alone, and my uncle brings in probably $200K. They have many investment properties, a beautiful home, and a savings account that could pay off every penny of debt I have. They own the house we live in. We pay rent to them every month, and in the past months, we’ve had to ask them to hold our rent check until the 15th each month because we just don’t have the money. (And when the 15th comes around, we still usually don’t have the money. ) This is very embarrassing for me. I can barely look my uncle in the eye when I see him.
I was not in a good mood today, and neither was Maddie. Neither one of us really wanted to go over to my mom’s, but she said it would be good to get out of the house, and it’s a beautiful day. After a few hours, she decided she was going to have the whole family over for a BBQ at 5:30. My uncle, my cousin’s husband, and my other cousin and his wife and baby. Then she realized she was out of propane, so she asked Tim if he would run and get her a tank. Except we don’t have any money. ANY money. So she tried to dig up some cash, but could only come up with $10. She asked if she could write me a check and we could just use our debit card to get the propane. I told her no, we don’t have any money in our account. So she proceeds to get completely bitchy with me and storms outside, announcing to my rich aunt and my successful cousin that we can’t have a BBQ because she doesn’t have any cash on her and, “Amanda and Tim are overdrawn in their account and can’t buy it.”
It’s bad enough that I ALREADY feel like a loser without my mom announcing to my LANDLORD and my cousin that we’re completely broke. I’m under so much stress because of this money situtation that some days I don’t even eat because I just forget, I’m so caught up in what we’re going to do to get by. So of course I immediately start crying. I hurried into the kitchen to grab my stuff and she comes in and asks me what my problem is. I said, “Do you really need to announce to everyone that we don’t have any money?” And she ROLLED HER EYES at me and said, “Oh jesus christ Amanda, stop embarrassing me.” Wait…ME stop embarrassing YOU?! Are you kidding me here? I told Tim go get Maddie and I just walked out.
This whole thing just really has my feelings hurt, because my mom and I rarely fight. We have a great relationship, and I just can’t believe she would act like this and embarass me like this. She knows how sensitive I am about it.
Ugh. Now I’m crying again. Hormones.
Thanks for reading, if you made it this far.